Oh hey,
How's your week been?
So, picture this: I’m sitting in a session with a client this week, and she’s fuming. I’m talking ready-to-write-a-strongly-worded-email levels of rage. The reason? Someone else’s behaviour had totally thrown her off. And as she’s telling me about it, I can feel the steam coming out of her ears.
But when we dug a little deeper, a funny thing happened. Turns out, the other person was just being… well, themselves. No malice, no secret plan to ruin her day – just doing their thing, blissfully unaware. Which brings us to today’s theme: sometimes, it’s not them. It’s us.
Now, before you start drafting your own strongly-worded email to me, hear me out. A lot of the time, we get upset because someone’s behaviour pokes at our stuff. They’re just living their lives, and here we are, taking it personally, like they’ve set out to sabotage our happiness. Newsflash: they probably didn’t! (Except Karen from Accounts, but that’s another story).
Let’s be real: most people aren’t scheming villains in a soap opera. They’re just trying to get through their day, too – wrestling with their own stuff, lost in their own heads. When we feel slighted, disrespected, or just plain annoyed, it’s usually our own internal alarms going off. What’s actually happening is that their actions have just tripped over some of our pre-existing beliefs, insecurities, or expectations.
So, what’s the takeaway? When we catch ourselves spiralling because of something someone else did, we need to pause and ask: “Is this about them? Or is this about me?” Because 9 times out of 10, it’s the latter. The good news? That means we have more control over our reactions than we think.
Think of it this way: let’s say someone cuts you off in traffic. You’ve got two options. You can decide that they’re clearly out to make your day miserable and spend the next 15 minutes shouting at your windshield (been there). Or you can decide that they probably didn’t see you because they’re late for their kid’s football match. In both scenarios, the exact same thing happened – but how you see it changes everything.
The truth is, we don’t know what’s going on in other people’s worlds. Maybe they’re stressed. Maybe they’re distracted. Or maybe they just have terrible manners (okay, some people are a bit of a lost cause). But most of the time, people aren’t trying to hurt us. They’re just doing what they do.
The trick? Getting better at checking in with ourselves. Why am I so affected by this? What’s the story I’m telling myself about this person’s behaviour? Because when you shift that perspective, you shift the power. You’re no longer at the mercy of everyone else’s actions and moods. You’re in control.
So, the next time someone ruffles your feathers, instead of jumping straight into “they’re the worst,” try asking yourself, “is it really them, or is it me?” Spoiler alert: it’s probably you.
And that’s not a bad thing. It means you’re the one who gets to change it.
Catch you next time (with far fewer feathers ruffled, hopefully).
Cate x
Oh hey,
How's your week been?
So, picture this: I’m sitting in a session with a client this week, and she’s fuming. I’m talking ready-to-write-a-strongly-worded-email levels of rage. The reason? Someone else’s behaviour had totally thrown her off. And as she’s telling me about it, I can feel the steam coming out of her ears.
But when we dug a little deeper, a funny thing happened. Turns out, the other person was just being… well, themselves. No malice, no secret plan to ruin her day – just doing their thing, blissfully unaware. Which brings us to today’s theme: sometimes, it’s not them. It’s us.
Now, before you start drafting your own strongly-worded email to me, hear me out. A lot of the time, we get upset because someone’s behaviour pokes at our stuff. They’re just living their lives, and here we are, taking it personally, like they’ve set out to sabotage our happiness. Newsflash: they probably didn’t! (Except Karen from Accounts, but that’s another story).
Let’s be real: most people aren’t scheming villains in a soap opera. They’re just trying to get through their day, too – wrestling with their own stuff, lost in their own heads. When we feel slighted, disrespected, or just plain annoyed, it’s usually our own internal alarms going off. What’s actually happening is that their actions have just tripped over some of our pre-existing beliefs, insecurities, or expectations.
So, what’s the takeaway? When we catch ourselves spiralling because of something someone else did, we need to pause and ask: “Is this about them? Or is this about me?” Because 9 times out of 10, it’s the latter. The good news? That means we have more control over our reactions than we think.
Think of it this way: let’s say someone cuts you off in traffic. You’ve got two options. You can decide that they’re clearly out to make your day miserable and spend the next 15 minutes shouting at your windshield (been there). Or you can decide that they probably didn’t see you because they’re late for their kid’s football match. In both scenarios, the exact same thing happened – but how you see it changes everything.
The truth is, we don’t know what’s going on in other people’s worlds. Maybe they’re stressed. Maybe they’re distracted. Or maybe they just have terrible manners (okay, some people are a bit of a lost cause). But most of the time, people aren’t trying to hurt us. They’re just doing what they do.
The trick? Getting better at checking in with ourselves. Why am I so affected by this? What’s the story I’m telling myself about this person’s behaviour? Because when you shift that perspective, you shift the power. You’re no longer at the mercy of everyone else’s actions and moods. You’re in control.
So, the next time someone ruffles your feathers, instead of jumping straight into “they’re the worst,” try asking yourself, “is it really them, or is it me?” Spoiler alert: it’s probably you.
And that’s not a bad thing. It means you’re the one who gets to change it.
Catch you next time (with far fewer feathers ruffled, hopefully).
Cate x
