Hey there,
How are you doing?
I can’t lie, I have had a weird week.
I’m training to be a psychotherapist, and one weekend a month is an intense three days of training followed by a day of Relational Dynamics - or RD for short.
For any of you who aren’t familiar with the term RD, let me explain.
It’s basically group therapy.
For 8 training psychotherapists.
For a full day.
Yes, you read that right; a whole day of talking about ourselves, each other, what we think about each other, what we think about what each other is saying and the impact of what each other is saying is having upon us.
And yes, my friends, you are correct: it is probably one of the most intense, terrifying, illuminating, brilliant, awful, wonderful and hideous things you can ever do.
- You experience up close and personal the impact words have on people.
- You see how incredibly differently we all experience the same situation.
- It proves that not everything leads to confrontation.
- And you can see that, even if it does, it is always possible for rupture and repair.
The impact of the day always stays with me far across the week, reverberating in my brain like the aftershocks of an earthquake.
And, as I spent the rest of the week coaching managers, the experience seemed so relevant because I spoke with so many of them about how uncomfortable it can feel having honest conversations.
For example:
- Giving feedback to people who need to improve.
- Telling someone senior that a target hasn’t been achieved.
- Setting tight deadlines with the team.
- Sharing downstream about challenging senior decisions that have been made.
And, more often than not, we just don’t do it. Avoiding the conversation entirely because we assume it won’t just be a conversation and that it will lead to confrontation. And we don’t want to upset anyone.
Or, more to the point, we don’t want to have to feel the discomfort of emotional uncertainty because we don’t know how they will react.
So, as a consequence, poor behaviour can be accepted, people can become frustrated and resentful, disengagement is increased and deadlines are missed or people overwork and burn-out.
So, what can we do about it?
As with so many things, there is no silver bullet. I cannot share with you a fail-safe solution that will make all conversations anxiety-free zones. However, I can help you re-frame the importance of having them.
Imagine you saw someone walk out of the toilets with their fly down. You don't want to tell them because you’re afraid they’ll be really embarrassed. So you don’t. And, instead, they walk around with their fly down all morning. So, by the time they realise, 20 other people have seen them with their fly down and they are absolutely mortified that no one told them.
This is what it’s like when we don’t give feedback or when we don’t deliver news, people don’t know. They don’t have the chance to perform, improve or deliver. And, as a consequence, people, teams, and businesses suffer.
So, next time you know you need to share some difficult information, remember it’s not about you. It’s about someone else knowing something and getting better at what they do.
Share it directly, specifically and with care, and it will always land. And, you can feel confident knowing that you are supporting the growth of your team.
This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to improving communication in your business. So, have a look at our management training programmes and do let us know if you need any help with your team.
And, in the meantime, take care.
Cate x
Hey there,
How are you doing?
I can’t lie, I have had a weird week.
I’m training to be a psychotherapist, and one weekend a month is an intense three days of training followed by a day of Relational Dynamics - or RD for short.
For any of you who aren’t familiar with the term RD, let me explain.
It’s basically group therapy.
For 8 training psychotherapists.
For a full day.
Yes, you read that right; a whole day of talking about ourselves, each other, what we think about each other, what we think about what each other is saying and the impact of what each other is saying is having upon us.
And yes, my friends, you are correct: it is probably one of the most intense, terrifying, illuminating, brilliant, awful, wonderful and hideous things you can ever do.
- You experience up close and personal the impact words have on people.
- You see how incredibly differently we all experience the same situation.
- It proves that not everything leads to confrontation.
- And you can see that, even if it does, it is always possible for rupture and repair.
The impact of the day always stays with me far across the week, reverberating in my brain like the aftershocks of an earthquake.
And, as I spent the rest of the week coaching managers, the experience seemed so relevant because I spoke with so many of them about how uncomfortable it can feel having honest conversations.
For example:
- Giving feedback to people who need to improve.
- Telling someone senior that a target hasn’t been achieved.
- Setting tight deadlines with the team.
- Sharing downstream about challenging senior decisions that have been made.
And, more often than not, we just don’t do it. Avoiding the conversation entirely because we assume it won’t just be a conversation and that it will lead to confrontation. And we don’t want to upset anyone.
Or, more to the point, we don’t want to have to feel the discomfort of emotional uncertainty because we don’t know how they will react.
So, as a consequence, poor behaviour can be accepted, people can become frustrated and resentful, disengagement is increased and deadlines are missed or people overwork and burn-out.
So, what can we do about it?
As with so many things, there is no silver bullet. I cannot share with you a fail-safe solution that will make all conversations anxiety-free zones. However, I can help you re-frame the importance of having them.
Imagine you saw someone walk out of the toilets with their fly down. You don't want to tell them because you’re afraid they’ll be really embarrassed. So you don’t. And, instead, they walk around with their fly down all morning. So, by the time they realise, 20 other people have seen them with their fly down and they are absolutely mortified that no one told them.
This is what it’s like when we don’t give feedback or when we don’t deliver news, people don’t know. They don’t have the chance to perform, improve or deliver. And, as a consequence, people, teams, and businesses suffer.
So, next time you know you need to share some difficult information, remember it’s not about you. It’s about someone else knowing something and getting better at what they do.
Share it directly, specifically and with care, and it will always land. And, you can feel confident knowing that you are supporting the growth of your team.
This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to improving communication in your business. So, have a look at our management training programmes and do let us know if you need any help with your team.
And, in the meantime, take care.
Cate x
