Oh hey there,
I hope you’re finally getting to enjoy the sun!
This week, I have spent a lot of time really thinking about what we don’t say. And how it makes us feel as a consequence.
I had my psychotherapy training last weekend, which, as always, was an incredible blend of brilliance, mind-blowing-ness, self-reflection, introspection, and complete and utter brain-frying (yes, I know - I am choosing to do this. Unbelievable, really!).
Anyway, avoiding conversations really has been a speciality of mine over the years. Now, not all conversations, of course. Just some of them. Just the really tricky ones that are uncomfortable and with certain people because I’m so worried that they’re going to blow up and end in confrontation! And confrontation, for me, is just unthinkable.
So, instead, I sit on them and brew… and get resentful and annoyed. Which, I think we can all agree, is really nice. Eventually, the feeling passes but, when it does, it leaves a mini trail of bitterness in its wake. Also nice.
Working on how I approach these conversations is something I have really focused on over the last few months, through being on this course:
- Why do I feel the way that I do?
- What is it that I fear so much?
And, in being on the course, do I have a wonderful opportunity to practise what it’s actually like to have challenging communication and try to navigate it? Experiencing that yes, it may traverse rupture, but it does also, inevitably, end up in repair.
It’s also something that I have shared this week in five different workshops: considering how do we have difficult conversations.
CMI research uncovered that 57% of us will completely avoid difficult conversations if we can, ending up with seriously unhelpful communication styles that impact business and relationships, rather than saying the one thing that we really need to say.
So, I really want you to think about this - the tension between these two states:
1. We don’t have certain conversations because we think it’s going to be really uncomfortable for us.
2. So we don’t say anything, which is also really uncomfortable for us!
Isn’t that insane when you think about it? I guess it’s because the discomfort of the former option is also weighted with the uncertainty of what might happen happen next - how the person will react and what, therefore, might happen to the relationship.
However, let me tell you that even if you veer away from having the conversation because of the conscious impact it will have on the relationship; if you don’t say anything, you will still unconsciously affect the relationship because you are more than likely to feel differently about the person! And potentially yourself too. I know, it’s a lot, right, when you think about it like that?
I don’t know what your individual solution is but I do know, for me, that a combination of being kind and direct is the right answer more often than not.
Yes, you might not know what will happen next… but you can be sure that you are being true to both yourself and the person you’re speaking to.
I hope that gives you food for thought. Wishing you love and energy as always.
Cate x
Oh hey there,
I hope you’re finally getting to enjoy the sun!
This week, I have spent a lot of time really thinking about what we don’t say. And how it makes us feel as a consequence.
I had my psychotherapy training last weekend, which, as always, was an incredible blend of brilliance, mind-blowing-ness, self-reflection, introspection, and complete and utter brain-frying (yes, I know - I am choosing to do this. Unbelievable, really!).
Anyway, avoiding conversations really has been a speciality of mine over the years. Now, not all conversations, of course. Just some of them. Just the really tricky ones that are uncomfortable and with certain people because I’m so worried that they’re going to blow up and end in confrontation! And confrontation, for me, is just unthinkable.
So, instead, I sit on them and brew… and get resentful and annoyed. Which, I think we can all agree, is really nice. Eventually, the feeling passes but, when it does, it leaves a mini trail of bitterness in its wake. Also nice.
Working on how I approach these conversations is something I have really focused on over the last few months, through being on this course:
- Why do I feel the way that I do?
- What is it that I fear so much?
And, in being on the course, do I have a wonderful opportunity to practise what it’s actually like to have challenging communication and try to navigate it? Experiencing that yes, it may traverse rupture, but it does also, inevitably, end up in repair.
It’s also something that I have shared this week in five different workshops: considering how do we have difficult conversations.
CMI research uncovered that 57% of us will completely avoid difficult conversations if we can, ending up with seriously unhelpful communication styles that impact business and relationships, rather than saying the one thing that we really need to say.
So, I really want you to think about this - the tension between these two states:
1. We don’t have certain conversations because we think it’s going to be really uncomfortable for us.
2. So we don’t say anything, which is also really uncomfortable for us!
Isn’t that insane when you think about it? I guess it’s because the discomfort of the former option is also weighted with the uncertainty of what might happen happen next - how the person will react and what, therefore, might happen to the relationship.
However, let me tell you that even if you veer away from having the conversation because of the conscious impact it will have on the relationship; if you don’t say anything, you will still unconsciously affect the relationship because you are more than likely to feel differently about the person! And potentially yourself too. I know, it’s a lot, right, when you think about it like that?
I don’t know what your individual solution is but I do know, for me, that a combination of being kind and direct is the right answer more often than not.
Yes, you might not know what will happen next… but you can be sure that you are being true to both yourself and the person you’re speaking to.
I hope that gives you food for thought. Wishing you love and energy as always.
Cate x
