Oh hey,
I hope you’ve had a wonderful and productive week!
Yesterday I was working with a team of middle managers at a media company in Kings Cross. We were discussing what the qualities of a great manager in their business would be. The team all agreed that setting good boundaries would be a fundamental part of being a brilliant manager.
Great. So, then, my next question - what might get in the way of you being able to do that?
"Oh God, I absolutely hate setting boundaries", said one of them. "It’s so uncomfortable. I don’t want to upset anyone’"
See - and this is the thing - we can all easily identify the behaviours that we want to have (and know are really important) as a manager but we can’t always deliver on them because, quite frankly, we’re all human and some stuff just doesn’t always come naturally!
I know when I first started PUSH, I was desperate to be a good manager and leader. However, most of the time I was absolutely terrified by the responsibility of running a business and employing people as well as being crippled by pretty crap self-esteem. So there’s no way that, despite my best intentions, I didn’t pass those fears and discomfort on to my team.
Anyway, back to the boundary setting. And, let’s be clear, it’s an incredibly important trait. I cannot tell you the amount of managers that I work with who put one of their key strengths as being supportive but, when pushed a little, happily agree that supportive is a mere hop, skip and a jump from becoming self-sacrificing.
Boundaries are the thing that keep supportive and self-sacrificing separated and, in order to comfortably set them, it’s crucial that we re-frame them from being mean, to being helpful to others. After all, we’re communicating how we can both work together in the best way possible.
For example, say that you want to delegate some work to someone in your team. You’re not being selfish or lazy - you’re actually being selfless in helping them grow. Also, being firm with someone can actually empower them - being soft can keep them in the same place.
When you share a boundary, consider your positioning and reflect that in your communication. Here’s an example:
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So, if you have trouble setting boundaries, here’s a plan for how to tackle them:
1. Identify the boundary that you want to set - Consider the positioning of it so that it feels both selfless and firm - and you can be most comfortable in setting it.
2. Consider when and where you will share it - Ideally, the sooner, the better - rather than sitting on it because you feel uncomfortable and it’s close to the moment of impact.
3. Stick to the boundaries that you set. This is the big one - If you’re going to set a new boundary with someone, then it’s your duty to uphold it because otherwise, others won’t take it seriously either. There is no one worse for overstepping our boundaries than ourselves!
I really hope that helps. Setting boundaries might be uncomfortable at first but, the more we practice setting them, the more we realise they’re the key to emotional freedom!
Have a beautiful week,
Cate x
Oh hey,
I hope you’ve had a wonderful and productive week!
Yesterday I was working with a team of middle managers at a media company in Kings Cross. We were discussing what the qualities of a great manager in their business would be. The team all agreed that setting good boundaries would be a fundamental part of being a brilliant manager.
Great. So, then, my next question - what might get in the way of you being able to do that?
"Oh God, I absolutely hate setting boundaries", said one of them. "It’s so uncomfortable. I don’t want to upset anyone’"
See - and this is the thing - we can all easily identify the behaviours that we want to have (and know are really important) as a manager but we can’t always deliver on them because, quite frankly, we’re all human and some stuff just doesn’t always come naturally!
I know when I first started PUSH, I was desperate to be a good manager and leader. However, most of the time I was absolutely terrified by the responsibility of running a business and employing people as well as being crippled by pretty crap self-esteem. So there’s no way that, despite my best intentions, I didn’t pass those fears and discomfort on to my team.
Anyway, back to the boundary setting. And, let’s be clear, it’s an incredibly important trait. I cannot tell you the amount of managers that I work with who put one of their key strengths as being supportive but, when pushed a little, happily agree that supportive is a mere hop, skip and a jump from becoming self-sacrificing.
Boundaries are the thing that keep supportive and self-sacrificing separated and, in order to comfortably set them, it’s crucial that we re-frame them from being mean, to being helpful to others. After all, we’re communicating how we can both work together in the best way possible.
For example, say that you want to delegate some work to someone in your team. You’re not being selfish or lazy - you’re actually being selfless in helping them grow. Also, being firm with someone can actually empower them - being soft can keep them in the same place.
When you share a boundary, consider your positioning and reflect that in your communication. Here’s an example:
So, if you have trouble setting boundaries, here’s a plan for how to tackle them:
1. Identify the boundary that you want to set - Consider the positioning of it so that it feels both selfless and firm - and you can be most comfortable in setting it.
2. Consider when and where you will share it - Ideally, the sooner, the better - rather than sitting on it because you feel uncomfortable and it’s close to the moment of impact.
3. Stick to the boundaries that you set. This is the big one - If you’re going to set a new boundary with someone, then it’s your duty to uphold it because otherwise, others won’t take it seriously either. There is no one worse for overstepping our boundaries than ourselves!
I really hope that helps. Setting boundaries might be uncomfortable at first but, the more we practice setting them, the more we realise they’re the key to emotional freedom!
Have a beautiful week,
Cate x
