Hi there,
I wanted to cover something today that is very, very close to my heart and something, which I believe, is close to the hearts of many others of us too:
Worrying.
"Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength - carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom
I've got to be honest and say that I have been a worrier by nature for a long time. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that 'very slightly anxious' had previously always been my natural resting state!
Now, don't get me wrong, I also had real gumption and drive but, blow me, could I ruminate over whether I'd got those decisions wrong or right afterwards!
I believe that being a right little worrier was a trait I probably inherited from my mum, but, to be fair, it could also be because I grew up in a pretty unstable environment. So, in many ways, maybe I simply got used to worrying because it was a way of life when I was young. Who knows.
Either way, it was a trait that was doing me no favours whatsoever and, over the last couple of years, in particular since stopping drinking and experiencing less 'hang-xiety', I really started to unpick the total waste of time and energy that worrying represented to me.
You see, worry takes more out of us than we imagine.
My worrying helped and changed nothing about any of the situations I was thinking about. However, time and again, it did change my ability to focus on the present moment and the things I had to do and the people I needed to pay attention to.
My worrying made me almost helpless, in a sense, because I wasn't able to function nearly as effectively when my mind was wrapped up in what might happen in the future. Rather than what was happening then and there.
The tension that I felt when I worried also caused me to react differently to things that happened and the things that people said. That very specific anxious lens could cause me to overreact, often, or to not react at all at other times. And that, when you're a leader or a manager is huge! I dread to think of the amount of times in the past I either put my worries on others or let it cloud my judgement.
So what can we do about it?
In my case, I've learned that I need to remind myself of two things:
1. What's going to happen is going to happen, no matter how much I worry about it: My worrying neither prevents nor causes it.
2. Almost nothing that I've worried about has turned out to be as bad as my worrying made it.
I can wait to deal with the situation when the situation arises, and I don't need to go over it in my mind now.
Letting go of my fears of what may happen is extremely liberating, and my today is much more enjoyable when I'm not thinking about what may happen tomorrow or this afternoon or next week.
So, here are some questions for you to consider next time those gremlins appear:
1. Has the exact thing you've worried about ever actually happened?
2. What are some of the triggers for worry for you? Why do you worry about these particular things?
3. How do you keep yourself from worrying about what may happen? How can you self-soothe when the worry arises?
4. What's the difference between making plans to deal with what will happen and worrying about what will happen?
So, from one worrier to another, I really hope it helps. I personally believe that a worry-free life is the most peaceful that any one of us can experience. And that is of the greatest value for all of us and the people that we manage.
Have a wonderful, worry-free week, friends.
Cate x
Hi there,
I wanted to cover something today that is very, very close to my heart and something, which I believe, is close to the hearts of many others of us too:
Worrying.
"Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength - carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom
I've got to be honest and say that I have been a worrier by nature for a long time. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that 'very slightly anxious' had previously always been my natural resting state!
Now, don't get me wrong, I also had real gumption and drive but, blow me, could I ruminate over whether I'd got those decisions wrong or right afterwards!
I believe that being a right little worrier was a trait I probably inherited from my mum, but, to be fair, it could also be because I grew up in a pretty unstable environment. So, in many ways, maybe I simply got used to worrying because it was a way of life when I was young. Who knows.
Either way, it was a trait that was doing me no favours whatsoever and, over the last couple of years, in particular since stopping drinking and experiencing less 'hang-xiety', I really started to unpick the total waste of time and energy that worrying represented to me.
You see, worry takes more out of us than we imagine.
My worrying helped and changed nothing about any of the situations I was thinking about. However, time and again, it did change my ability to focus on the present moment and the things I had to do and the people I needed to pay attention to.
My worrying made me almost helpless, in a sense, because I wasn't able to function nearly as effectively when my mind was wrapped up in what might happen in the future. Rather than what was happening then and there.
The tension that I felt when I worried also caused me to react differently to things that happened and the things that people said. That very specific anxious lens could cause me to overreact, often, or to not react at all at other times. And that, when you're a leader or a manager is huge! I dread to think of the amount of times in the past I either put my worries on others or let it cloud my judgement.
So what can we do about it?
In my case, I've learned that I need to remind myself of two things:
1. What's going to happen is going to happen, no matter how much I worry about it: My worrying neither prevents nor causes it.
2. Almost nothing that I've worried about has turned out to be as bad as my worrying made it.
I can wait to deal with the situation when the situation arises, and I don't need to go over it in my mind now.
Letting go of my fears of what may happen is extremely liberating, and my today is much more enjoyable when I'm not thinking about what may happen tomorrow or this afternoon or next week.
So, here are some questions for you to consider next time those gremlins appear:
1. Has the exact thing you've worried about ever actually happened?
2. What are some of the triggers for worry for you? Why do you worry about these particular things?
3. How do you keep yourself from worrying about what may happen? How can you self-soothe when the worry arises?
4. What's the difference between making plans to deal with what will happen and worrying about what will happen?
So, from one worrier to another, I really hope it helps. I personally believe that a worry-free life is the most peaceful that any one of us can experience. And that is of the greatest value for all of us and the people that we manage.
Have a wonderful, worry-free week, friends.
Cate x
